Jamie's thougths

Can you be a pessimist and still have faith?

I hadn't realized it before, but if I am being totally honest with myself, I tend to think of the glass as half empty. I tend to expect the worst from life and am delighted when I am wrong. I don't allow myself to get excited about things until I know that all the plans are made and the ducks are in a row. I expect life to not work out as I have it planned and that what I have worked hard for will be taken from me.

Perhaps this is why I am an "over planner". I organize things to eliminate the opportunity for error or disappointment so that if things do fall apart, I am ready. I try to think of the likely things that will interrupt my life and plan for them ahead of time. I have contingency plans for my contingency plans. Of course I understand that life throws us things we don't expect, but where should my organization end and my faith begin?

Does God want me to look at this life with rose colored glasses? I don't think so. Does he want me to look at it as a total mess that I have to slog through? I hope not. I generally look at life with a sense of harsh reality. I live with my head and not my heart most of the time. If I find myself enjoying a part of life there is something inside of me that reminds me that it is all temporary and can be stolen from me at any moment. I hate to admit it, but when something is going well in life....I am waiting for the bad to happen. Why is that? My joy is interrupted.

So, back to my root question. Can you be a pessimist and still have faith? Can I live my life with all my negativity, and still have faith that God will look after me and my family. I don't think so. If I am always awaiting the next hardship, then where is my faith that God will take me through it? Should I not be able to function daily in the peace that God has me in his hand and not be concerned about that day when things are not good? I should be able to enjoy the blessings God has given me. I believe that is why he gave them to me.

I think my pessimistic nature is a symptom of my weak faith.

Jack at 4 weeks

Jack was half asleep when I taped this, so just remember his eyes usually point the same direction :)

update.

Hat courtesy of Auntie Laura.

Jack is 3 weeks old today. Yesterday I had to buy size 1 diapers already. When a baby is out of newborn size diapers does that mean they are no longer a newborn? He was weighed on Wednesday and he is at 10lb 10oz already. I guess once a baby weighs almost 11lbs they are no longer a newborn. He is happy and healthy and seldom cries. Usually he makes noise because he is hungry or .... is hungry. Sometimes he can't seem to figure out how to fall asleep and needs some help with that, but overall he is a very happy little man.

He and Brook are getting along. For the most part Brook ignores him, which is likely for the best at this point in his life. Every now and then she asks if she can hold him or shows him one of her toys. I am a little nervous about putting him on the floor because Brook tends to forget that he is down there.

I cant believe how quickly Brook has grown up in the last 3 weeks. Since Christmas she has started dressing herself, putting on her boots, jacket and other clothing generally on the right part of her body. Today she went diaperless all day today with no accidents, and she seems to be speaking like a little adult. After coloring today she brought me her master piece and said "check it out". Ya, it is all happening really quickly. I am realizing that I enjoy all of these different stages of having children and that I am super blessed. Brook has been pushing the boundaries a little this week, but nothing too serious.
Trev went back to work this week after his extended christmas break. It seems like there was 4 times as much work for him to do as there was before christmas, but with the missions trip coming up in march he has a lot to do. You can pray that he has lots of energy and patients over the next few months.

As for me, I am doing well. I am feeling good and as long as I get a bit of sleep throughout the day I seem to be able to handle life. One new challenge is having a newborn in January. Brook and I don't get out as much now because Jack is not big enough to take on walks. We only have one vehicle and Trev needs it most of the day. Besides, walks were just a distraction, I don't need the van to go 3 blocks to the Co-op. Anyway, we are doing well and adjusting to life together.

More pic's of our kids

Our 8 lb Christmas Gift

Baby Jack William Fleming arrived on Christmas eve at 6:42 am. He weighs 8lb and is 21.5 inches long. We didn't expect him to arrive quite so quickly since he seemed to be in no hurry earlier in December.

(PG rated Birthing details below)
My water broke at 3:15 am. By the time we realized I was in labour, drove to Brandon, dropped off Brook at Trev's parents place, and got to the hospital it was already 5am. By the time the nurses figured out I was actually going to have a baby ASAP they could hardly get an IV into me. (I guess all my blood was tied up in other parts of my body) Trev was signing release forms with one hand and having his other crushed while I went through my contractions. After all was said and done I had to introduce myself to the Dr that had arrived to deliver our baby boy because we didn't have time to exchange pleasantries earlier. The nurses were fantastic! I was concerned that they would be surley and unpleasant because they had to work the holidays, but they were all very caring and attentive. Jack and I were released from the hospital at 11am on Christmas day. Yup, my stay was a whopping 30 hrs. We went and introduced Jack to Grandma Irving, went to the Flemings and had christmas dinner, and headed home. It was an amazing feeling to have all 4 of us driving home together in the van.

We are all doing well and adjusting to being a family of 4. Brook is still surprised in the morning when Jack is here, but she is a great helper. I am realizing just how grown up she is when I see them together. She is generally gentle with him, but has been a little out of sorts with her stay at grandma and Grandpas, Christmas, and the noise at night. She'll figure it all out yet.

We thank God for his blessing of a healthy, hungry baby boy. I am amazed that we we have been blessed with him.

Day 279 of 280

Here are some random pictures from around our place this week. Enjoy.

3 days

I have been having contractions for the last 3 days, but alas, no baby. I had a Dr appointment today and the Dr did a stress test on the baby and he/she is doing fine, but Mom and Dad are somewhat worn out from all the anticipation. I have received conflicting advice from Doctors and nurses, and I have decided to just listen to my body. I think I'll be able to figure out when the baby is coming. (t was pretty obvious the last time)

Tonight is Trev's last youth event before almost 2 weeks of holidays. He is in need of a break from all the youth and missions trip planning, so I really hope that the next two weeks are somewhat relaxing for him. I wish we could make some plans to do some fun and exciting things, but we just don't know what the next two weeks have in store, which leads me to my next thought.

Many people have asked me if I feel a kinship with the Nativity and story of Jesus being born, and I have to confess I haven't yet. I have had another thought on my mind (which is a miracle considering my sleep deprived self). Thought: If I waited for Jesus to return with the same anticipation that I wait for this baby if it would change the way I live my life. How am I living in anticipation? Am I dedicated to being prepared? Do I make sure my house is in order and my "spiritual bags" are packed every night? Am I in a right relationship with God or am I just hoping things work out on that day? Just some things Ive been considering. How can I prepare daily to meet Jesus?