Can you be a pessimist and still have faith?
I hadn't realized it before, but if I am being totally honest with myself, I tend to think of the glass as half empty. I tend to expect the worst from life and am delighted when I am wrong. I don't allow myself to get excited about things until I know that all the plans are made and the ducks are in a row. I expect life to not work out as I have it planned and that what I have worked hard for will be taken from me.Perhaps this is why I am an "over planner". I organize things to eliminate the opportunity for error or disappointment so that if things do fall apart, I am ready. I try to think of the likely things that will interrupt my life and plan for them ahead of time. I have contingency plans for my contingency plans. Of course I understand that life throws us things we don't expect, but where should my organization end and my faith begin?
Does God want me to look at this life with rose colored glasses? I don't think so. Does he want me to look at it as a total mess that I have to slog through? I hope not. I generally look at life with a sense of harsh reality. I live with my head and not my heart most of the time. If I find myself enjoying a part of life there is something inside of me that reminds me that it is all temporary and can be stolen from me at any moment. I hate to admit it, but when something is going well in life....I am waiting for the bad to happen. Why is that? My joy is interrupted.
So, back to my root question. Can you be a pessimist and still have faith? Can I live my life with all my negativity, and still have faith that God will look after me and my family. I don't think so. If I am always awaiting the next hardship, then where is my faith that God will take me through it? Should I not be able to function daily in the peace that God has me in his hand and not be concerned about that day when things are not good? I should be able to enjoy the blessings God has given me. I believe that is why he gave them to me.
I think my pessimistic nature is a symptom of my weak faith.
2 comments:
wow jamie, that hit me in the face! This whole topic is something I struggle with so much! Thank you for writing about it and being open and honest!
You and I girl... we have always been the to doubt. In the almost 9 years of being married to Jeremy he has claimed that my pessimism has change or shifted. He claimed that I had a doom and gloom outlook and everything around us. He says it has now shifted. I worry about worldly things but do not doubt God most of the time...I am human and not perfect. For example I do not and will not get a flu shot...alot of people get sick from them...if I get sick and die from it, it will happen whether I get a shot or not.
A different side of it is seeing Africa. If you have your faith, family and health nothing else matters. And things never stay the same plans are never set in stone...I didn't like it at first but then I realised that everyone around me was ok with it, that is when I realised that our culture here and the way things are run are very over organized and pessimistic....it's hard not to be when it is all around you.
Hope this makes sense and if it doesn't sorry.
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